Hasani Pettiford Blog

June 4, 2008

Why More Women Are Straying

Filed under: Uncategorized — Hasani Pettiford @ 1:00 am
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The sizzling affairs of Hollywood female stars have exposed a startling trend – more and more women are cheating on their partners. For years men have been regarded as home-wreckers – quickly rushing into the arms of a new mistress. Now female celebrities have shown that women are almost as likely to carry on a secret liaison. And women are becoming very bold about it.
Men have always been associated with affairs. But nowadays women are getting the same opportunities to have affairs and they expect better quality sex lives. Whether it’s a female college student who has no real concept of monogamy or a 21-year married veteran and mature mother of three, women are becoming bolder about their newfound sexual freedom.

Accurate stats on women’s infidelity are understandably hard to come by since – no surprise here – ladies aren’t always keen on ’fessing up to their extracurricular activities. But it’s generally guesstimated that 14%-40% of married women have intimately tangoed with someone other than their husbands. In one unscientific yet telling poll at WomanSavers.com (the self-proclaimed “world’s largest database rating good and bad men”), women were asked if they had ever cheated. Of the more than 9,400 women who responded, 49% said they had. Another 26% said that they’d have no problem stepping out on their partners if they knew they could get away with it.


But why is this all happening? The easy answer is that women today have the same opportunities to cheat as guys always did. Not only do working women have the chance to mix and mingle with would-be lovers (both in the office and on business trips), but the Internet is filled with chat rooms and websites that blatantly court married men and women looking for a little something on the side. Even still, it takes more than mere opportunity to get a woman to slide between someone else’s sheets.

THE PRIMARY reason women cheat is because their needs are not being fulfilled. ‘Needs’ cover all things within the emotional, sexual, mental and financial parameters of a relationship. However, these unmet needs manifest in a variety of ways. The following is a short list of reasons women give for cheating.

1. Women feel taken for granted. As wives and long-term partners, women get stuck in very humdrum roles of mommy and housekeeper and it’s irresistible when they find someone who sees them as a sexual being rather than a person who is responsible for the washing and ironing.

2. Boredom. Many women are in pretty good marriages – things are good, the kids are fine, the husband’s okay – but she’s bored and needs some excitement,” And a casual affair may put some zing back in her days.

3. Not getting enough attention from their partner. Women, like men, love attention. Women are often left to deal with domestic issues on their own, and are taken for granted by their men. The popular song ‘Put that woman first’, by R&B artist Jaheim, comes to mind. In the song he notes that if it weren’t for the football games on Sundays, his job, hanging with his friends, he’d remember to spend time with his girl. In response to his neglect, she cheats.

4. Money. Yes, there you have it. Some women complain that their men are not supplying them with enough money. Their solution is to find another guy who will shower them with, not love, but money.  

5. Many men get sexually lazy and no longer please her partner. They no longer engage in foreplay and do very little guarantee that sex is good for their partners. If the man’s bedroom performance is less than pleasing, some women will look elsewhere. Many cheating women list this as one of their main reasons. Their favorite coined phrase to justify their wrong is “He was giving me what I needed.” So, for a number of women, an affair is sexually satisfying and emotionally rewarding.

 6. Revenge. Many women cheat as a retaliation against their cheating partners. It’s the “He hurt me, I’m gonna hurt him” syndrome. They hold the notion that men have got away with hurting women for too long and it is time that women return the ‘favour’.

7. Many women cheat because they want to enjoy one of the ‘liberties’ that men have always enjoyed: sex with multiple partners without the societal baggage. Self-fulfillment has become the new holy grail of the modern female sexual being. In fact, infidelity is merely a blow against the oppressive traditional tyranny of gender roles. And so women cheat to emasculate men, to show the Good Ole Boys Club just who is in charge, even at the risk of having violence visited upon her head.

As you can see, the reasons for unfaithfulness vary. Commitment and monogamy no longer hold that sacred place within our relationships that it once did. Both men and women have come up with very elaborate reasons for why they stray. However, in order to have a loving and fulfilling relationship, it starts with couple’s having one firm and uncompromising reason for why they should stay (committed, that is).



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Filed under: Uncategorized — Hasani Pettiford @ 12:51 am

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